Satirical Spectator: Cultural Appropriation on St. Patrick’s Day
By Eric ‘20
The smell of green natty and hedonism filled the air in and around every fraternity house that night. Both on and off campus houses were filled to the brim with people constantly reminding you they are 1/1204thIrish. The night can best be described as a green haze, in the fun way.
The next day once the people could remember what they did and where they were the night before, serious questions began to be asked. Questions I asked myself too. Did we, as a university, just commit the most unspeakable atrocity the first world currently knows? Did we just appropriate a culture? Yes, I am going to talk about cultural appropriation. Yes, I am going to be that SJW. And yes, I am going to continue to discuss it until people understand that cultures are not costumes.
I wanted an expert’s opinion, so I asked the only people I could, our friendly neighborhood Irishmen. When asked about what he thought about the previous night’s festivities, Colin O’Brien (he wishes to remain anonymous), said he really didn’t care if people wore green, hung up a few flags, and made out with a jumbo inflatable leprechaun.
Wow, he wasn’t upset, and he’s from Dublin. It was time to fish for opinions I agreed with.
It took a long time but I finally stubbled on a genuine Irish person, who decided to air his honest grievances on such a painful and controversial subject. Remember Windfall George? He mentioned how he was “made uncomfortable” with the amount of “Kiss me, I’m Irish” t-shirts he saw that night. A true hero.
But really, what more can we expect from a college social atmosphere that was built on racism and formed by white men in resistance to integration of American colleges? You can't base a party theme on an entire culture, especially one that has been historically and currently marginalized and exploited. The Irish are more than stereotypes: Guinness, barfights, and potatoes.
Hopefully the administration heard our pleas. Hopefully there will be an in-depth investigation. Hopefully no other student will have to suffer through another fun party, and will never be invited to kiss someone simply because they are Irish.
Note: Unfortunately, this article isn’t entirely based off fiction. Some people believe that dressing up for a cultural holiday is cultural appropriation. If you want to read more about their opinions on the matter, read the articles below. Additionally, this article is obviously a joke. Please don’t take it too seriously.