Satirical Spectator

Satirical Spectator

by Andrew Fox

W&L Fitness Center Dress Code almost as Outdated, Cruel as W&L Fitness Center Playlist

           A recent burst of gender-bias outrage has triggered cries for reform of the W&L Fitness center dress code, cries that would reach many more ears were they not drowned out by the sound of Justin Bieber’s dancehall-pop hit “Sorry” being blasted on the speakers for the thousandth time this week. Indeed, the oppression enforced by an archaic, tone-deaf dress code pales in comparison to the soul-crushing barrage of top-40 hits on the first disc of the NOW That’s What I Call Music 56 CD-rom. “You know I’d be a bit more upset about this whole dress code debacle,” said senior Simone Gruber,” but this is like the fifth time today that I’ve heard “Hands to Myself” during my workout.”  

More Year-End News:

Student Imagines W&L Campus Life United under One Single Fraternity where New Members Earn Respect of Entire Campus, Realizes He’s Just Created VMI

Stone Age Robert E. Lee “definitely” Rode into Battle on That Pterodactyl Hanging in Science Center

Title IX Director Kicks Student out of Upper-Level Course, Cites Failure to Receive Instructor Consent

Student Files Honor Violation Report Against the Band One Direction, Claims Harry Styles “Stole My Heart”

A Story of Quality over Quantity: How in the Wake of DEA Drug Busts, Suppliers buckled down and Kickstarted a Meth-lab Renaissance

Cadavers Can’t Believe They All Got Each Other Skeleton Masks for Christmas

Ruscio Addresses Graduating Seniors: “Y’all’s Parties Were Way Better Freshman Year”

Things Getting Awkward between Bio 100 Students and DEA Stakeout as Drug Dealer Predictably 15 Minutes Late to Class

 

General Opinion

General Opinion

Old Traditions, New President: An Interview with Wilson Miller

Old Traditions, New President: An Interview with Wilson Miller