Satirical Spectator

Satirical Spectator

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By Andrew Fox Wild New Frat DEA Brings Automatic Rifles onto Campus, Doesn’t Get Kicked Off

Apparently a new fraternity called DEA is making its presence felt this year, and they have left the school speechless. On its first day of existence no less, members of DEA arrived on campus with military-grade assault weapons and somehow didn’t get kicked off. W&L administrators offered no comment on DEA’s intimidating surge to the forefront of the social scene, probably because the school just can’t handle this amount of outrageousness. When asked to de­scribe his fraternal organization, one DEA member remarked, “You could say we’re a bit druggy.” Another member chimed in, “We like to roll deep to the most happening off-campus houses,” while other members were even heard saying, “FREEZE. You have the right to remain SILENT!” Reports are now surfacing that several other members of DEA were spotted dragging off what appeared to be future initiates, in what appeared to be handcuffs, in what can only be described as one of the most unorthodox rushing events ever staged on our campus. Some are quick to dispar­age the up-and-coming Greek organization, pointing out how many non-university affiliates they have; however, the DEA insists that they were in full cooperation with the school at all times, up to and including their most recent raid... I mean rave. No word has reached us yet on how the DEA plans to house the growing number of people it has been bringing to its events, as DEA representatives have been particularly cryptic. “I’ll tell you what we do know. We want to offer an alternative to third year housing for the students here,” said an officer on DEA’s executive board, “we plan on working with the university to provide long-term housing options, a maximum of 5-10 years to be exact. Just don’t tell prospective students and please don’t tell wealthy alumni.”

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